Ok I'm starting off by letting ya'll know I have to be inspired to write. I had a blog that I wrote before this blog but I didn't think it was high quality so I decided to wait. So all of ya'll that always ask when am I writing my next blog and what will it be about...Hear ya go! Many times when I start writing, I have all these thoughts in my head about what to say and when I start my blog, the words sound nothing like my thoughts! Today is nothing different then the other blogs in relation to my previous sentence.
I will get into this blog quickly because I don't like for these to be over a certain length because folks don't like to read! However I am ALARMED y'all! ALARMED I tell ya! And here's why! Last week one of my friends posted an article from the Washington Post. I'll share with ya'll...
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/12/09/AR2009120904546_3.html?sid=ST2009120904680.
This article made me laugh hysterically! And when one of my friends posted it on Facebook I had to laugh at some of the comments! Furthermore, when the Male response was posted http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/how-helena-andrews-and-every-other-single-successful-and-lonely-black-woman-can-improve-her-luck/, there was silence on the WEB! LOL with a double "O"!! Just copy and paste the link to your browser if you haven't read the articles!
Now I'm about to discuss these articles, but don't expect me to drop game like Steve Harvey or have Transgressions over what I said like Tiger Woods!(Had to slide that in). OK. Hopefully by now you have read the articles(and video). If not...read them first! NOW let me say this...NOTHING WORTHWHILE IS EASY! And if "Bitch is the new Black," like Ms.Helena Andrews says...I'll gladly pass! As many black men have! So what I would like to do is share my views of "The Pursuit of Happiness(AKA Black Love)." I'm trying my best not to always have similar topics but ya'll be killin me! UGH! OK Here we go! The lady Helena Andrews in my eyes is really confused! Then when I read the comments made from her article I figured out there are a lot of confused people!
After reading Ms. Andrews Article and the comments folks posted I realized something. Some of ya'll just don't get it! All she talks about in this article is how she has this and has that yet there's no one there for her! Hmmm...lets dissect it. During the entire Article she wrambles on about is how she's educated, how she has a good job, or how she can afford to go out to this restaurant or buy stuff at whatever store! Basically she gives her "Resume'" for the entire article! So as a black man..Cough Cough...Successful black man that can do all those things and more...I say to you an astounding...WHO GIVES A FUCK! Her approach or thoughts to "dating" are like you going to a job interview and you puking to the person interviewing with everything that you can do! How about trying to have a personality and being fun to work with! That's the key! We already know what your accomplishments are otherwise you wouldn't be sitting in front of me! I'm tired of women feeling like they are entitled to shit just because they have whatever when all you have is a single spaced resume on some pretty paper!! Holla Bitch! Ok Ok Ya'll...i'ma stop right there on the article and let ya'll judge for yourself. What I want to do is without droppin game let some of ya'll know why men...Scratch that...People can be wishy washy in having a relationship or getting married. So not in any particular order...here's the list!
1. You'se a HO! Not like Santa Clause, but in the Tiger Woods transgressions sense of the word. Being a Ho is a love/hate relationship! I mean everyone can use a good handy Ho, but who wants to marry them?? But some do and some will!
2. I'm a HO! Hell...I just ain't ready to stop fucking everyone just yet or ever will. Nuff said!!
3. I'm to career focused! Hmmmm...this really hits home for a lot of professionals because our lives doesn't allow someone enough time to really have a steady relationship. As soon as we get to know someone we are off again to make that cheese. When the mice are away the dog/cats DO Play!~
4. You don't seem like you really down for me! Watch the Movie Avitar and you will see a 10 foot Pandorian lady that is truly down for her man! Vice Versa as well.
5. You are a FUKIN LAME! Can't take yo ass no where! You can't hang with my friends, you clam up at events. You are Boring. You talk like you have a learning disability. You are not versatile or balanced enough to hang in a professional event one night and then chill with the homies the next. You can't relate to anything I say or do. You are not really understanding to anything...but the sex is good so I stay...which brings me to the next bullet point.
6. YOU ARE TERRIBLE IN BED! No offense but Men fake it just as much as women...Nuff said!
7. YOU smashed the Homie/Homegirl! Some folks don't care but you have to realize. The guy or girl has probably told them all about how it went down...so carry on with your own discretion. It could be a minor detail to move past, but if you still be kickin it with that person you smashed...as the song say..Muthafuk me NO Mutha fuk YOOOUUUU!
8. You are to Moody. One day we cool and the next day I'm a F'in Azzhole! Too much to handle!
9. I hate your Damn Friends! This is touchy because this can be a tangled web! There's always a couple friends folks might not like but overall if your friends suck...OUCH...may be a tough road to drive.
10. Your Parents don't like Her/him. If my momma says youse a lame! It's over..by by! HOLLA BITCH!!
NEW ADDENDUM!! 11. You are terrible with your finances!
Hope to hear many comments from this blog but as you know by now, whether you hype it or hatin on what I have to say, It really doesn't matter. So in case you don't remember, "It's MY World...Ya'll Just Live In IT."
Happy Holidays to all of Ya'll!!
Nice blog, Stacy. I definitely agree with your list of reasons why someone could be single. And that men and women have to look within themselves to really find out why they are single.
ReplyDeleteWhile I agree with your blog, I believe you and the author of the "Very Smart Brothas" blog took the initial article out of context. First off, I think Ms. Andrews was pointing out the struggle, successful, black women have as compared to our white, latina, and asian counterparts. I don't think it was a criticism of black men. Not that black men don't have a hard time as well but the ratio puts black women at a significant disadvantage.
When you refer to her as listing her resume, it's nothing different than you would do when you are looking for a woman to meet your qualifications as a mate. Also, there is a difference between being a successful, strong, black woman and being a bitch. But unfortunately, the two are always lumped together. And, I wish Ms. Andrews had chosen a different title for her book.
Her point about most black children women growing up in a Matriarchal household is significant. Black women most often are the head of households and that is the culture that we know. So a lot of us are head strong. But I think we could learn to be more open and compromising (not settling) to different possibilities.
The fact of the matter is that both black men and women are slipping and we need to step up our game in being better mates and prospects.
Wow, Stacy!!!! I really like this. I think both articles illustrate how Black men and women do not communicate well. Men read the article and clearly have a totally different perspective than that of a black woman.
ReplyDeleteI think your list is very insightful; however, you can poke holes through every single item on the list. We can all name exceptions to each one, which means that the list is not necessarily valid for why men are not marrying these beautiful, successful, single, black females...
I have heard from many, many wise older people that it is simply a matter of timing. We all have to be patient. The right mate will come along no matter what your personality or who you let smash it. Each person has to be READY!!!! We constantly come up with excuses and explanations for why we are not married. Just keep your eyes, heart, and mind open, and marriage will come.
This is not to say that we do not have an evolution of self. I do believe that each day should bring a new life lesson and that people should be life-long learners who always work to improve themselves. But, we should not let another persons list determine why we are or are not married.
signed, successful, black female still looking for my soulmate :-)
Everybody has been sending me that article by Helena Andrews and I am just now reading it...hmmm, the whole time, I kept thinking, this seems like a whole lot of surface stuff! I agree with you Stacy, she was just throwing out her resume, college degree, job, credentials, etc. But it makes me think of how in some families, little girls are raised to do just that, get a college degree, learn how to be successful, learn how to take care of yourself. But it's a rare happening, at least amongst the folks, that I know, that little girls are raised to know what it means to be a good partner to a man-- communicating well, supporting, loving, having a good heart etc. I think the result is what you see in Helena Andrew's article, but the problem is that all those credentials mean nothing for being in a good, healthy relationship! There's a whole piece of the story missing and it desperately needs to be taught, modeled, told, and learned so we can re-invigorate wonderful relationships!
ReplyDeleteThanks Stacy for keeping the discourse going. It was enlightening.
ReplyDeleteI am a single black woman that happens to be successful and living in the DC area. I think Helena Andrews' title of her book/movie is right on, she is a bitch. It's cool that she has a place to share her views however, her message is damaging to black women and the black community in general. I may be a lot of things but a bitch is not one of them. That is a stereotype black women have been battling for centuries.
The article shows that no matter how bright and successul Andrews is, she is lacking in loyalty. She dogged ole boy "Cornrows" out and then reportedly laughed at him. That behavior is deplorable! I think she needs to spend less time speaking to whitefolks on my behalf and other black gals like me, and spend more time examining some of those deep-seated issues about her missing father, mother's sexuality and kidnapping. Seems like she has a lot of other subjects/issues she should be exploring.
Don't get me wrong....it is hard out here for pimptress. And I recgonize that I have just as many issues as the next girl. But I am a beautiful, educated, and successful non-bitch living in the DC area that is single because I would rather be picky and alone than easy and with someone.